good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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