my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
