I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
