Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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