I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
