Banned from zoo.
Again?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
