I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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