I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
