You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
