Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im six kinds of drunk right now
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
