there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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