I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
