I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
