How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
