he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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