I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
