So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
