I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
