There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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