You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
