oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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