i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
