I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
