I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
