I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
