Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
