the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Randomize
