are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
