I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
