Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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