I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
