Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
