Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
