I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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