It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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