im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
