I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize