So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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