We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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