so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
