There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
