my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
