nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
