she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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