i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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