my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
