the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize