Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
