Apparently you make a good broom.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
