I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
