absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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