And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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