I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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