can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I love you. Go after that dick
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize