You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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