i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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