Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
