you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
