it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
