I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
