Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
