You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
