so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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