I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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