That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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