we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize