when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
