addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
