I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
