Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
